Study Questions – Proverbs #13
Self-Control
Proverbs 25:28 (CGS#13)
INTRODUCTION: This is the final week in our study of Proverbs. Next week, we will begin a series walking through the Sermon on the Mount.
As you might expect, Proverbs has several verses highlighting the importance of self-control.
14:17 – “A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.”
14:29 – “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”
25:28 – “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
29:11 – “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”
It isn’t only Proverbs that talks about the importance of self-control; Paul speaks of it in Gal. 5:22, and James speaks of it in Ja. 1:19-20. Self-control should be understood to be a normal Christian virtue. That is something that is seen and visible in the life of every believer. Often, when we think of self-control, we think of resistance, holding back, or restraint. Those are absolutely part of the process of having self-control. There is something we want or desire, but we acknowledge it isn’t for our best, and so we resist, hold back, or restrain ourselves from that thing. Proverbs gives us a unique image to consider when it comes to self-control in 25:26. It says that a person without self-control is like a city that has been broken into and its walls torn down. City walls were the first and most important part of a city’s defensive structures in the ancient world. Even today, we have a saying that gets at the security facets of walls, “good fences make good neighbors.”[1] Even in places that we might not think of needing tall walls, fences establish boundaries, set expectations, and still offer a level of protection. In antiquity, if a city’s walls were torn down, there was little that stood in the way of those who would desire to do harm to a city, and the people of that community were left vulnerable. That is precisely what Proverbs is telling us, when we live without self-control, we leave ourselves open and vulnerable to harm. I think this is a powerful image for us to consider. It isn’t very popular now, nor in the scope of human history to deny ourselves of what we want or what we think will make us whole. After all, it was a lack of self-control that got Adam and Eve into trouble in the garden. The walls came tumbling down for them, and they were left vulnerable to the lies and harm of the enemy. We’re a lot like them, aren’t we? We can think of times when we lacked self-control and became vulnerable to things that brought harm into our lives. Yes, Adam and Eve (and us) should have resisted and restrained themselves, but they didn’t. Why? Because they had misplaced delight. Self-control isn’t just about denying ourselves but is also about focusing on what truly gives delight. That is what stands out to me in the image that Proverbs gives us about city walls. We could look at it and think, we need to build security walls to protect ourselves, and there is a fair conversation about how we do that regarding spiritual things. We can also look at it and think about what we are called to delight in and how we preserve those things. Self-control isn’t just a fight against something harmful, but it is a joyful pursuit of what gives lasting and true delight. It is the question of whether we are just avoiding sin or energetically pursuing righteousness. Avoiding sin is good, but energetically pursuing righteousness is life-giving. What you delight in is what you pursue and how you order your life. Self-control reflects what we delight in.
GETTING STARTED – As a group, take time to answer this question. Was there a moment in your life when you learned the importance of self-control in a way that is now humorous looking back on it? Kyle shared a story about a “chocolate buffet” and endless late-night burgers on a cruise when he was eighteen.
IN THE WORD – Let’s dig back into the passage(s). It is important to strengthen our muscles in reading God’s Word. On Sunday, we walked through the passage in the sermon. Hopefully, that helped you to see the landmarks of the passage with fresh eyes. Now, with your group, go back through it and see what God is saying to you specifically.
First, before you read the passage, take a moment to ask God’s Spirit to quiet your mind and heart and to illuminate the text to you. Second, read the passage aloud to the group. Then, follow the simple method below. (O.P.A)
Observe: Make 8-10 observations from the passage. Pay close attention to observe and note repeated words and phrases, names, places, and themes.
Principles: From your list of observations, what patterns or big ideas do you see emerging? Can you distill it down into 2-4 big idea truths?
Apply: Moving from your list of principles, it is time to apply God’s Word. Remember, we believe that God’s Word is living and active and that it can change the way we live Monday- Friday. What is one tangible way to apply a truth from your list above?
Note: Another way to approach your time together is to talk through the following questions.
- What did you hear God’s Spirit say to you through the passage this week? How does it encourage you? How does it sharpen you?
- Is there an image, word, or picture that stands out to you in the passage from this week, and what about it is powerful or helpful?
- If you had to describe what self-control looks like in the life of a Christian, what are 3-4 characteristics or attributes you’d choose?
- When you survey your life, what are the things that your time and finances would say that you delight in? Reminder: these things are inherently bad. It is wise to do a check-up from time to time.
- How do the things of your life help you delight in God? Or how do they shape your identity as a Christian? Consider both positive and negative shaping implications.
- Remember – Going to Bible study can help you delight in God, or it can be an idol. Going on a walk or to work can help you delight in God, or they can be distractions. Our posture and motivations matter.
- Our margin matters, too. We don’t have space for everything. So we must be intentional with what we say yes and no to.
- What are the patterns of temptation and/or sin in your life?
[1] The phrase is famously attributed to Robert Frost in his poem “Mending Wall.”